ok .. now in school ..

i know he wants time ..

but ..

im very afraid ...

and i miss him ..

now ..

badly ..

im hopin he stil haf feelings for me ..

i hope he'll come back to my side ..

come back ..

and let me hug him ..

to slp ..

jus lyk we used to ..

becuz i reali love him ..

life is bored ..

life is sickening ..

and i made myself suffer ..

by piercin my tongue luhh ..

and it bloody hurts ..

-.-

but nvm ..

i can eat alrdy ..

haha ..

and now im bloody hot ..

sweating ..

smelly liao ..

hais ..

ok ..

i miss him ..

and now ..

my bloody tongue hurts ..

lol..

although is i made e trouble for myself,

but i stil can complain la ..

bled for so long, and alot of blood while piercin ..

now swollen and bloody ..

haha ..

no choice ..

爱美不要命 ..

tats gals ..

haha ..

hopeless ..

i miss him badly ..

seriously ..

listening to the song ..

wait for you ..

i now i'll wait ..

but ..

will there be a chance for me to wait ?

will you come back to my side ?

i dont noe ..

but i noe ..

my heart's not gonna die so fast ..

jus lyk wad i was thinkin for so long ..

i wanna leave,

bcuz im afraid to get hurt ..

but i dun wanna leave ..

bcuz i love you ..

i thou i felt that you left me for another gal ..

instead ..

you're confused abt ur feelin ..

i duno wad made u feel tat way ..

but i hope truths will be known to me ..

before its bein unfair ..

to me ..

i hope ur heart's stil mine ..

i hope everythin did not change ..

i hope we're stil as lovin as before ..

jus lyk wad u did for me ..

abt the ring, the love and everything silly thing we did..

wad u planned for me ..

for my birthday in e past ..

and everything ..

all the silly and stupid things we did,

makes we think of you ..

every part of the house and road ..

can make me think of you ..

in the bus, how u allow me to lie on you ..

in e train, when u lied on my shoulders to slp ..

we just tasted happiness ..

and now ..

heart brokened ..

i hate this to happen ..

bcuz i love you too much ..

i hope to just be by ur side now ...

really ..

and hoe im bein cherished as a fren ..

or anythin ..

just by u will do ..

ok ..

so now we're friends ..

and i suppose this will continue forever ..

mayb ?

i duno ..

things gt lyk ..

i duno bahx ..

i cried ..

very badly ..

ytd didnt slp ..

went downstairs to drink wit frens ..

lucky nv gt drunk ..

but had a bit of headache ..

and lyk so slpy lorrs ..

mayb bcuz of gt drink bahx ..

hais ..

drank abit onli ..

didnt dare crink much ..

but drinkin doesnt make me feel beta of cuz ..

hais ..

no choice ..

zzzz ..

sian ..

hais ..

i miss him ..

i admit it ..

but ..

wad's e use ?

e way i cried jus now ..

made ai ping, rachel and phyllis shocked ..

tink priscilla also shocked ..

sat beside me and i suddenly cried ..

haha ..

thanks priscilla la ..

haha ..

and also ...

reali ..

i appreciate ai ping,rachel and also phyllis ..

for the advice and concerns and also hugs ..

all of those that i reali appreciate ..

i cried and today ..

i look so ugly ..

my make up is not nice and all ..

my dark circles can be seen ..

OMG ..

ppl said i look bad for today ..

isit ?

i dont know ..

hope it wasnt so...

things are getting weird ..

seriously..

but he isnt ..

i wished e moment i open my eye,

i can see him in front of me ..

he treats me well ..

he gifs me e feelin lyk ..

he treats me stil lyk a laopo ..

but he said we're jus frens ..

hais ..

wad to do ?

i duno ..

i duno whether he stil holds any feelings for me not ..

i dont noe ..

but i do hope there is ..

reali ..

hais ..

and ..

now lying on his bed .

im thinkin of wad i wanna do ..

im so lost ..

i duno wad am i supposed to do ..

hais ..

i love him ..

i dun wanna leave him ..

yet ..

im not even sure whether he love me or not ..

am i supposed to wait or wad ?

am i too foolish to wait ?

can i wait ..?

i dun wanna haf e fear ..

or me waitin here ..

stopping beside him ..

while he jus leave without me ..

with another gal or somethin lyk tat ..

wad am i suppose to do ?

hais ..

im havin e fear of waitin ..

bcuz im un-sure of his mind ..

his thinkin ..

and wad he wants ..

can someone teach me ??

can someone tel me wad he wants ?

wad he's thinkin of ..?

im stucked here ..

without movin on ..

im afraid if i move on ..

he cant catch up ..

im afraid if i stay here ..

he'll move on ..

i cant decide wad i reali wan ..

i wanna cry ..

but i cant find a reason to ..

i wanna be alone ..

but im afraid to ..

hugg-ed awhile ..

and he let go lerx ..

i duno wad is wad ..

im exhausted to guess wad is on his mind ..

makes me feel very tired ..

hais ..

i was hopin i would noe everythin ..

everythin single thing about him ..

about wad he wants, needs and all ..

i nid a dictionary abt him ..

seriously ..

i was hopin dere is such a thing ..

reali ..

ok, went home in e middle of my school time ..

jus to mit him up ..

went down his sch ..

and took cab back to tampines ..

and his fren ..

nv pay de ..

LOl ..

and instead ..

i nid to pay ..

darh ~~

nvm ..

so no wi had no money to eat ..

sian ..

nid to pay jennifer e money ..

more sian ..

hais ..

owe her long liao ..

she's good luhh ..

i wanna thank all people who cares about me ..

reali ..

today ..

was supposed to mit laogong after school ..

but he had to go for some re training thingy ..

so nvm ..

asked mummy come fetch me back home ..

thanks alot to all ppl ..

ppl of W46L ..

ppl in my msn ..

all of u showed ur concerns ..

i reali appreciate it ..

but ..

im tryin not to show tt im sad alrdy ..

although i am ..

i tried to hide my sorrows ..

i tried to hide everythin ..

every hurt and all tat is in my mind ..

i had a little slp everyday ..

and im reali very tired ..

ok ..

so things are abit funny luhh ..

last nite ..

asked him whether he stil gt anythin things hiding from me ..

he said he dun tink dere is any ..

dun tink ..?

hmmm ..

seriously ..

im tryin to hide my doubts ..

when i see u holdin on to ur precious fone for lyk ..

dear life !!

IT seems very impt ..

isnt it ?

u made me feel so doubtful luhh ..

mayb ?

i duno ..

anyway ..

i wun be able to know e truth ..

isnt it ?

i wanna noe e gal in ur nick is who ..

i wanna noe alot of things..

i wan u to be truthful to me ..

to be fair to me ..

i wanna gif a deadline to my waitin again ..

isit fair for us ?

i dun noe ..

but im afraid of waitin for a no return ..

and im also afraid of gettin myself hurt again ..

im also afraid tat u will treat me for granted ..

and im nt cherished again ..

i ever said once,

once u hurt me again, i'll leave ..

but end up ..

i cant ..

i cant make myself leave u ..

beucz i reali love you ..

i forgot all my anger ..

i forgot all the things uve done ..

i forgot all e hurtings ..

jus because ..

i wrote this in my noteboook ..

and he read it ..

tiz is wad he saw and read in my notebook ..

im sorry ..

but i wanna be honest ..

im tryin to be honest to myself ..

i noe dere's alot of qns in my mind ..

esp whenever i tink of ur nick in msn ...

i would aak myself ..

am i deceivin myself ?

and gt more hurt in future ..?

i mean ..

i totally duno e reason at al ..

esp when i see u holdin on to ur handphone lyk ur precious ..

dere shld be slot of secrets in it ..

and im afraid to noe ..

reali ..

i wanna noe e truth yet im afraid to ..

im cryin again ..

dere were several qns in my mind runnin thru every night ..

whether u gt another gal not ..

whether u waitin for another gal isit ?

whether u stil love me ?

whethe ram i jus a substitution ?

whether we'll be back tgt not ?

alot more ..

but i wanna ask lyk why u brin ur fone ard every single minute ..

isit bcuz u are waitin for another gal ?

reali ..

if u wanna hurt me ..

i hope its now ..

let me take everythin ..

all at once ..

dun hurt me further ..

please ..

hmmm ..

now in ngee ann poly again ..

but this tym ..

im usin his laptop ..

instead of melanie's ..

im bored sittin here ..

and rottin to death ...

but i stil haf to wait luhh ..

and im dyin of waitin luhh ..

zzzz ..

sian ..

hope later can go out to find belt luhh..

if not so bored ..

den later he stil nid to be in sch lorrs ..

sian ..

hais ..

we're frens for now ..

at least we're frens ...

and he wun ignore me again ..

i was shocked la dey ..

he suddenly said ok to mitin me ..

melanie is my lucky star !!!

haha ..

we went to tm shop shop awhile more ..

den he waited wit me for my bus ..

but we're reali lyk frens la huh ..

nvm ..

time might change everythin ..

at least we're stil able to go out tgt ..

tml goin out wit him luhh ..

although nid wait for him ..

but nvm la ..

i dun mind ..

lol ..

he noticed im very tired ..

and he asked me to slp early ..

now goin to bed alrdy ..

nite ..

ok ..
so now he'ss tellin me how much he hates me ..
wad am i supposed to do ?
im bein angry and yet worried my anger will gt over me ..
omg ..
pls ..
let calm down and tink things thru ..
i dun wan things to turn out to be lyk tiz ..
i seriously dun wan ..
its nt me makin a fuss out of this ..
its jus tat i reali love you ..
note: LOVE .. not LOVED ..
i love him so much t get scolded as a bitch ..
im such a dumbass huh ?
i shld jus love him and nv let him go ..
i shld've said i love him so dearly ..
tat w/o him .. i will die ..
reali ..
i would die ..
i reali would ..
he's tellin me how much he hates me and how much he didnt wan to be wit me ..
he's tellin me all these ..
jus to make me more angry ..
or is he jus tryin to make me angry ?
i dun know ..
i onli noe ..
if tats wad he's tryin to do, he succeeded ..
im here heart broken ..
in ngee ann poly ..
and im glad melanie,my primary sch fren, lent me her laptop ..
so i can note down my feelings ..
straight to my blog ..
ppl who've seen my blog, pls do not be alarmed ..
im nt shocked to haf seen him ..
sms-in tellin me he hates me and askin me to die ..
because i deserve it la huh ..
i haven eat anythin since ytd afternoon ..
and while walking ..
i almost fainted ..
and roll down the slope of HIS school ..
i shldnt haf hold on and not let myself faint ..
i shld've fainted ..
rolled down e slope and gt knock down by a car ..
i should have ..
let me die ..
since he asked me to either ..
he tinks i dun haf e courage to anyway ..
but he didnt realise i have ..
he takes me for granted huh ?
mayb ..
i wun noe ..
ppl asked me to forget abt him and leave him ..
i dun heed any of their advice ..
so am i a fool?
mayb not ?
because i stil admit tat i love you ...
my heart's stil urs ..
still follows u ..
no matter wad ..
no matter how u chase me away ..
u noe it ..
but wadever u said ..
hurts me ..
id rather u takin a knife and stab it right thru my heart ..
i dun mind ..
bcuz onli u can kill me ..a
and u jus did ..
i can die before u ..
right in front of u if u wan me to ..
jus say so ..
and i'll do it ..
if u reali dun wanna see me anymore ..
i can fulfil ur wishes ..
if u wan me to ..
reali ..
its u tat matters ..
im a fool ..
but i dun regret lovin u ..
bcuz u made me know wad is love, wad is fate ..
and wad i reali wan ..
now ..
all i ever wanted was u ..
JARRELL ..



thanks to melanie for lending me her laptop,and ive not seen her for ages ..

im now at his hse ..

and i duno wad i wanna do ..

all tat has happened ..

has made me very tired ..

nv slp for 3 days ..

and ytd i realli cant take it anymore ..

i dosed off ..

while reply-in Mr tek-ko ..

slpt in e living room ..

and wakin up almost every hour ..

its tirin ...

wanted to cal him at 3 pm ..

i woke up ..

but im not brave to cal ..

wad e fuck huh ?

nvm ..

now i shld be waitin for him to wake up and let me noe wads wrong ..

provided he'll say e truth luhh ..

hais ..

thanks rachel baby and ai ping for consoling me ..

and also phyllis luhh ..

thanks mr tek-ko for tokin to me too ..

thanks kor kor for talkin things thru into my thick skull ..

thanks grandpa jerral for tryin to make me laugh at his ah-gong pattern ..

and it worked,it made me laugh luhh ..

thanks jovian for ur tissue when i shouted out loud in class,cried and brokedown ..

thanks ppl ..

for e concern towards a fren ..

im hurt ..

totally hurt ..

i cried the whole night ..

i cried ..

because im such a fool ..

im such an idiot ..

whether u reali love me or not ..

i reali dun noe anymore ..

is ur heart stil mine ?

i doubt so ..

serious ..

i duno wad i shld reali do now ..

i wanna die ..

but im not supposed to ..

life's precious huh ??

but i love him ..

i miss him ..

i wanna hug him for the last time ..

i wanna kiss him for the last time ..

its been long since i ever did ..

if i had known tat time would be the last ..

i would never have let u go ..

i would never have let u leave my side ..

i would never have let u let go of my hand, or take ur lips and tongue back from my lips, or ur hands from my body ..

i would never have let go ..

and it hurts for me to know ..

u broke ur promises ..

once more ..

everythin is gone ..

onli left with sadness ..

i admit i stil love you ..

it is impossible for me to forget u so soon ..

i will try ..

if tat is wad u wan ..

i no longer noe wad i wan ..

or wad u wan ..

i realised ...

i duno u anymore ..

but ..

hais ..

thank you mr tek-ko ..

for accompanyin me tok on e fone from ard 11pm till now .. its almost 1 am ..

he had no choice but to pei wo tok ..

cuz he didnt wan to be a zek-ark guy ..

at least he heard me talk ..

and no worries ..

haha ..

im cryin and im laughin ..

im such an idiot ..

wad am i supposed to do ?

cry, laugh, get mad ??

im alrdy mad and crazy ..

thank you to all frens ..

who msn-ed me ..

consoling me ..

tellin me wad to do ..

askin me not to cry ..

i appreciate it ..

reali ..

when i nid u guys so much ..

i nid ur shoulders and tissues ..

im hiding my emotions right deep into my mind ..

i dun know wad im supposed to do ..

i dun know wad i wan to do ..

i dun know wad i shld do ..

someone teach me pls ?

im glad u gals are tryin so hard to cheer me..

but im stil tryin hard to make myself happier ..

i know u gals tried ..

and i appreciate it ..

reali ..

i glad i haf u gals ..

but i stil miss him ..

and i hate it when he is ignorin me ..

im hopin for miracle to happen ..

for u to reply my smses ..

soon ..

hopin it would be now ..

u ..

smsin me ..

tellin how much u love me ..

and wad is happenin ..

hais ..

i miss you ..

laogong ..

林杰乐

why arent u replyin me ?

im worried ..

i duno wad is wrong ..

wad is happenin to u ..

and wad is happenin to us ??

i reali dun feel lyk tinkin anymore ..

esp tat ive not been slpin well these few days ..

ever since u fail ur TP ..

everythin changed ..

is ur license more impt dan me??

as in ..

why it could change u and ur attitude to me ?

arent i impt anymore?

im abit pissed ..

hurr-hurr ..

i duno wad do i wan la ..

and fuckin thing is ..

i jus had my mood swing phenomenon ..

wth ..

im so tired and now havin such things ..

let me die let me die let me die ...

laogong ..

reply me soon la ..

hais ..

wad is so wrong now ?

hais ..

everythin feels so wrong ..

not in their right places ..

and he's ..

not reply-in me ..

YET !!

when do i haf to wait till ??

wad is so wrong now ?

everythin seems to be wrong ..

ure abit ignorin me ..

sch has problems ..

everythin has problems ..

friday nite u were stil ok ...

sat u replied me one sms onli ..

den today ..

up till now ..

none ..

esp when i see ure online ..

yet no replies ..

i suddenly feel i duno a single thing about you at all ..

ive last seen you on last thursday ..

when u failed ur TP test ..

and uve given me ur attitude ..

i was angry ..

but i understood tats because u were unhappy ..

but given a thought to me ...?

wad i feel ?

e next day ..

i knew u werent gonna mit me for sch in e mornin ...

nvm ..

im ok wit it la ..

called u in e noon and ure busy ..

so i waited till evenin ..

smsed u den u say u finished ur papers and goin to work ..

called u when u were supposed to have finished work, but u were eatin,

i assume ..

until tat day den i dare tel u tt i had a bloody diarrhea tat lasted from e previous day till den ..

and i was so glad u replied:

"ah yo must take care leiz drink more water so tat wont not enough water in your body"

and also im also so glad tat u apologised when i told you ur attitude sucks ..

reali ..

i thought everythin would be be e same as before ..

but instead after tat ..

no replies anymore ..

onli on saturday ..

one reply tat u were at ur grandma house ..

till now ..

no more ..

im worried u noe ?

im ur galfren and sometimes i realised i knew nothin more than ur buddies ..

even u rclassmates might even noe more things dan me ..

am i so un-able to share ur problems with ?

am i ?

if i reali am ..

im such a lousy galfren ..

seriously ..

i duno wad is wrong now ..

i could onli guess wad is wrong by ur display nick ..

but ..

why not tellin me ?

im an outsider huh ?

tears are rollin down my cheeks and yet ..

all i wan now is u by my side ..

lettin me noe ...

everythin will be alright ..

can u ?

ok la ..

supposed laogong ytd was studyin ..

den today had to revise ..

so until now den he was free ..

but ..

he gt work ..

duh ..

duno wad to say ..

hais ..

nvm ..

tonight den call him bahx ..

chatted wit junkai today on msn ..

knew him ard 5 yrs ..

but 3yrs ago we nv contact lerx ..

until recently he saw me at woodlands ..

which is lyk ..

omg ..

cuz i cant recognise him anymore ..

lol ..

chat awhile and he had bball tournament tml ..

all e best to u la ..

he's in my sch ..

i now den realise ..

haha ..

nvm ..

ok back to my life ..

i miss laogong again ..

and now im havin a fuckin headache ..

and im gonna split into a few soon ..

it hurts ..

omg ..

im gonna finish my work soon and rest early if possible luhh ..

if la ..

i might be waitin for laogong to finish work and i'll call him awhile to tok ..

life w/o him is a mess ..

isnt it?

ok la ..

ytd i attitude-d abit la ..

sorry la ..

and yet u nv reply me anymore .....

wasnt it tat u started it wit ur bad mood ?

i hate it when u had ur bad mood ..

cuz whenever u haf bad mood ..

im dead laa ..

hais ..

hope u reply me soon ...

now is afternoon alrdy ..

called u yet u said ure busy ..

wad am i supposed to do huh?

i duno ..

ive gt no moodto study ..

my whole mind is all abt u onli ..

wad i to do ?

teach me pls ..

i duno anymore ..

hais ..

laogong failed la ..

sian huh ?

but nvm bahx ..

tml he having test ..

think he's studyin hard now ..

but why his nick become lyk tat ?

did i do somethin wrong ?

hais ..

hope he's not mad or wad ..

but jus mad at tat bloody car tat caused him to fail ..

i curse tat car de driver fail his TP also ..

and he fail for 3 or more ..

hahahahahha ..

laogong ..

i miss u laa ...

hope to see u tml ..

hmmm ..
im abit angry ?
shld i say ?
hmmm ..
today was plannin to mit laogong after his school ..
end up ..
stil e same ..
wtf ..
if he reali passed ..
wad am i to u ?
ur laopo ..
yet not e first to celebrate for u la ..
im so ..
not by ur side ..
not worth ?
ok ..
now wadever i say ..
all filled wit anger ..
but wad can i say ?
even if u promised me to mit me early tml ..
its not 100% tt u can wake up de bahx ..
im pissed off today .. wad can i say ?
nvm ...
hopefully u can pass den ..

if not its not worth my my anger luhh ..

ok ..

today was a bad day to start ??

im sooo damn tired ..

when i had so little slp ..

away from thinkin wad happened ..

recall-in everythin ..

everythin tat happened to me ..

to ur things ..

to how my mum and dad reprimanded me for nth at al ..

to see-in laogong's reaction when i say i wanna see his fone ..

hurts me ...

i duno wad is it tat i wan ..

i duno ..

laogong ..

a sense of in-security-ness came to me ..

it makes me feel so ...

wrong ?

i duno wad im suppose to do laa ..

i reali duno ..

but i said i will trust u ..

and i mean it ..

i love you ..

reali ..

i wanna hug u everyday huh ..

hope tml ur TP can pass smoothly ..

i wan to be e first pillion hohs !!

today im veh bored ?

im so focus on my work today tat i didnt take lunch ..

haha ..

and now im abit hungry ..

oh no ..

i miss you ..

and i hope to see u soon ..

friday u said ?

rite ?

promise huh ?

love ~

im so exhausted tinkin abt wad ever things tat leads to u ..

im exhausted to tink tat everythin has ended ..

bcuz of urself ..

yet everythin of u ..

u nv realise ..

i dun nid someone to gif me more troubles ..

and i feel tat ive returned u ur favour or frenship ..

ive protected u ..

for one last tym ..

and if dere's once more ...

im sorry ..

i was tinkin whether am i too harsh or bad or not ..

but everythin tat happens ...

makes me feel ..

i dun regret at al ..

im hard-hearted ..

i admit ..

but bcuz i've gt hurt more dan anybody knows ..

ive gt a burden heavy lyk e sky ..

and i cant hold on anymore ..

ppl tinks im strong but im not ..

ppl tinks ive no troubles but i do ..

im also a human ..

im also a gal ..

i seemed strong and happy ..

it doesnt mean i am ..

im reali freakin tired now ..

im so slpy ..

when bcuz of u ..

i nv slp ..

worth ?

i duno ..

i duno wad is so wrong ..

but u truly hurt me ..

im a victim ?

im not sure ..

but i noe ..

ive seen thru u ..

and i noe wad i shld do ..

if dey chose u ..

i will not be mad ..

dey had their choice ..

xun tried to console me la ..

xun- says:
haaha
xun- says:
just remember:
xun- says:
dun let all this small things disturb u
xun- says:
affects u
xun- says:
be happy
xun- says:
we are fated to know each other
xun- says:
lol
♥♥ IM JASLINE AND I ♥ JARRELL -- 2yrs * 3 months * 8 days ** 27 months <3 says:
and al these are fated to happen huh ?

♥♥ IM JASLINE AND I ♥ JARRELL -- 2yrs * 3 months * 8 days ** 27 months <3>