i wrote this in my noteboook ..
and he read it ..
i tot i could jus leave w/o crying anymore..
however ..
after yesterday, i realised i cant ..
yes, i admit it ..
i cant live w/o him ..
&& DAMN IT !!
jus a ..
"dun ask so much la,i playin game"
can make me feel i wanna cry ..
he's e onli one bein able to affect my mood ..
he's also e onli one bein able to make me laugh or cry ..
&& AND I HATE IT TAT WAY !!
bcuz in tiz manner ..
i relied too much on him ..
emotionally ..
& whether i can take it or not ..
i have onli 2 choices ..
isnt it ?
its either i leave, or i stay ..
which ever way would make me happier ?
hais ..
i reali duno ..
i know i love him alot ..
i know i cant live w/o him ..
but i dun lyk e fact tt ..
i feel so not cherished ..
& taken for granted ..
mayb tats nt wad he meant ..
but its jus e feeling ..
i cried e nite away last nite ..
& now my eyes are bloody painful ..
i miss him alot ..
i miss how he held my hands ..
i miss how he called me ..
i miss how he would hug me close to him ..
i miss how he say he love me ..
i miss how he kiss me ..
and i miss everythin we do when we're tgt ..
I LOVE HIM DEARLY ..
& i hate e feelin when ..
im walkin alone ..
while i see alot other couples tgt ...
hais ..
tiz is wad he saw and read in my notebook ..
im sorry ..
but i wanna be honest ..
im tryin to be honest to myself ..
i noe dere's alot of qns in my mind ..
esp whenever i tink of ur nick in msn ...
i would aak myself ..
am i deceivin myself ?
and gt more hurt in future ..?
i mean ..
i totally duno e reason at al ..
esp when i see u holdin on to ur handphone lyk ur precious ..
dere shld be slot of secrets in it ..
and im afraid to noe ..
reali ..
i wanna noe e truth yet im afraid to ..
im cryin again ..
dere were several qns in my mind runnin thru every night ..
whether u gt another gal not ..
whether u waitin for another gal isit ?
whether u stil love me ?
whethe ram i jus a substitution ?
whether we'll be back tgt not ?
alot more ..
but i wanna ask lyk why u brin ur fone ard every single minute ..
isit bcuz u are waitin for another gal ?
reali ..
if u wanna hurt me ..
i hope its now ..
let me take everythin ..
all at once ..
dun hurt me further ..
please ..
♥ say me weak;
i aint strong
